Here in Nunavut, uncommon words and phrases run rampant. At the same time, common words and phrases have locally unique meanings.
So how are we supposed to keep track of them all?
An Iqaluit Urban Dictionary, of course.
Post Office
(Noun)
The place where Iqalummiut go to deal with various matters of postage; often involves standing in line for inordinate amounts of time, watching one overworked employee figure out how to send a MoneyGram for the only person in North America that still sends MoneyGrams; accounts for the vast majority of GN employee coffee breaks.
Jill: Where have you been?
Mark: I went to the post office.
Jill: Oooh did you get any packages?!
Mark: Well yah. Plus I booked an Aeroplan ticket, learned to speak Spanish, and caught up on recent Nunatsiaq News articles. I even had time for the comment sections.
Amazon
(Proper noun)
The lifeblood of shopaholics throughout Nunavut; accounts for the vast majority of post office inventory.
Vern: Did you hear? Amazon is cancelling all shipping to Nunavut.
Marie: (Heart races, lip trembles, tears well up.) Seriously?
Vern: APRIL FOOLS!
Marie: (Slaps Vern.)
The Leege
(Proper noun)
Shorthand for “The Legion;” a local watering hole known for being the only place in town where one can drink beer and dance to overplayed top-40 hits while appreciating artistic depictions of Canadian military sacrifice.
Tommy: Did you go The Leege for Remembrance Day on Tuesday afternoon?
Jeff: You bet. Are you going to The Leege for Terry’s birthday Saturday night?
Tommy: You bet.
The Disco
(Proper noun)
Shorthand for “The Discovery;” a boutique hotel slash restaurant; has funky iceberg-esqe lighting hanging from the ceiling in lieu of shiny mirrored balls; has ICE FM radio playing in the background in lieu of ABBA and the Bee Gees.
Shane: Welcome to town! Let’s celebrate your arrival by going to The Disco this Friday.
Chris: (Jaw drops, envisions John Travolta in tight white suit made of polar bear skin.)
Shane: Not that type of disco.
The Frob
(Proper noun)
Shorthand for “The Frobisher Inn;” usually refers to the general Astro Hill building complex, which includes a restaurant (The Gallery), pub (The Storehouse), movie theatre (Astro Theatre), coffee shop (Caribrew Café), convenience store (Quickstop), and hotel (yes, The *actual* Frobisher Inn).
Rebecca: Hey, I’ll meet you at The Frob.
Will: Ummmmmm. Okay. (Unsure of where to go, hangs out in the front entrance.)
Brunch
(Noun)
An all-you-can-eat meal that takes place each Sunday at the aforementioned Disco or Frob; inevitably results in severe waistline distress after attempting to eat $50 worth of food.
Taylor: Want to go for brunch?
Steph: Sure! (Changes from jeans to leggings, clears schedule for the next four hours.)
To go south
(Verb)
To travel basically anywhere that is geographically south of Nunavut; generally not used in reference to the places “southern” Canadians consider to be “south.”
Northerner: “I can’t wait to go south.”
Southerner: “Ooh somewhere exotic?”
Northerner: “Sudbury.”
To go mechanical
(Verb)
An undefined, unanticipated, unappreciated event causing your airplane to fail to depart.
Ashley: (Sees co-worker return to the office with luggage in tow.) “Hey. I thought you were going on duty travel?”
Lou: “I was supposed to. Went mechanical.”
[Next day]
Ashley: “Your’e still here?”
Lou: “Went mechanical.”
[Next day]
Ashley: “You’re STILL here?”
Lou: “Mechanical…”
[Next day]
Ashley: “You’re STILL here?”
Lou: (Sighs.)
Traction Devices
(Noun)
Ridiculous yet functional footwear accessory often used to prevent a $30,000 medevac necessitated by a compound fracture. Always purchased in pairs; always end up solo.
*Clickity-clack, thump, clickity-clack, thump, clickity-clack, thump*
Jack: “Hey man. I lost one of my traction devices. Have you seen it?”
Dave: “Nah, sorry dude. But chin up – you’ll find one soon.”
Honda
(Proper Noun)
Pretty much any brand of ATV.
Jimmy: (Looks at Yamaha ATV.) “Woah! Nice Honda!”
Skidoo
(Proper Noun)
Pretty much any brand of snowmobile.
Suzy: (Looks at Polaris snowmobile.) “Woah! Nice Skidoo!”
Smartphone
(Noun/Paradox)
Historically took the form of a Blackberry; ironically the dumbest phone in Canada.
Currently takes the form of an iPhone; monthly bill costs far beyond its functional worth in the Arctic.
Cell Phone Provider: Hi there. How can I help you with your new smartphone today?
[Call is dropped.]
Cell Phone User: (Grumbles.)
Not even!
(Colloquial expression)
A multi-purpose exclamation most often used in a forceful way to rebut a statement.
Danielle: “You totally made out with that guy at The Leege last night.”
Mary: “Not even!”
This list is not exhaustive, and we welcome your input! If you have an entry to add to our Iqaluit Urban Dictionary, please share it with us in the comment section, on Facebook, or via Twitter.
A few ideas for input:
-The Nav
-Road to Nowhere
-Happy Valley, Tundra Valley, White Row, Green Row, Brown Row
-Belly Button cafe (it’s obsolete now, though)
-Smiley
Great ideas, Jaime! Have you seen our Iqaluit Neighbourhood Guide? It unveils some of the geographical mysteries…
http://findingtruenorth.ca/iqaluit-neighbourhood-guide/
This post is absolutely hilarious. Really love the writing style.